Elastic limit

Memo to Sorting Office Manager, Mandela Way, Southwark

Dear Sir,

Would you please instruct your delivery personnel to cease and desist from dropping onto the pavements of SE16 the red elastic bands used to bundle up our most uninteresting and unappetising post. Sir Compton picked up 23 such bands yesterday within half a mile of his town abode and will very shortly have enough to open an elastic band shop. No wonder your shabby, surly, walk-on-the-front-garden staff and the doltish management allegedly directing them are losing zillions of pounds. You are a throwback to the 1970s and need to be licked into shape by the private sector.

Yours faithfully etc etc, etc etc, etc etc.