Minister jets out in unemployment initiative

As the recession deepens, a crack team from the Department for Clutching At Straws jets out to the British overseas territory of St Helena, where the northern rockhopper penguin is disappearing at the rate of 100 a day.

Nigel Sincerity, the newly-appointed Clutching at Straws Secretary, said during a lengthy boat transfer to Tristan da Cunha and Gough Island, where most of the flightless birds no longer live: "We think these penguins have something to teach us about preserving jobs and are very interested as to why they are heading for oblivion at such a sedate pace. The aim is to get job losses in the economy down to about 100 a day. With a bit of judicious cooking of the books and a few make-work schemes, we can then make it appear that there are no job losses at all. Naturally, we are also very worried about the penguins, and we don't rule out nationalising them, though the truth of the matter is that the southern rockhoppers may just have an edge when it comes to catching fish. The recession is global, you see."